Reading in the Dark

"I honestly feel as though I have reported on far too many hate crimes in recent weeks...."

So writes a blogger from Bushwick, introducing us to the story of Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado and his brutal murder in Puerto Rico last week.  Its an odd thing to write, I mean, you might imagine another blogger out there writing that he honestly feels that he has reported on far too many politicians who want to become celebrities, or too many socialites who want to become real housewives.  I mean, you might imagine that.  But, here I am, late at night, reading, reading , reading and trying to absorb that the boy from Bushwick is realizing that, there he is, there in Bushwick, reporting on far too many hate crimes in recent weeks.

And my heart is broken.

Reading, reading, I read Towleroad, really who doesn't, and sometimes I am struck by the mix of news and music reviews and political shenanigans and the male models and there among it all, almost every day, is the photo of a man attacked on the upper east side of New York, and he's one of several, and then there is the lesbian attacked in her car in California, the day before, the bar raided in Fort Worth, or is it the bar in Atlanta.  I read these things, sandwiched in among the other items of our daily lives.  Sometimes I read them in the morning, but sometimes I read them late at night.  I read them but I don't let them go in too deep.  Mostly I don't let them go in too deep.

Because if I do I might start thinking about Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado and what happened that night and what he was thinking about as it was happening and what kind of a man,a police official, really believes that someone with that lifestyle ought to know the risk he is taking.  Someone who is nineteen.  That the nineteen year old boy in Puerto Rico really should have known.

Late at night you can't always keep it from going in a little deep.  You can't help noticing that they've been reporting far too many hate crimes in recent weeks.  And I am honestly feeling how much hate there is in this world sometimes.  And how hard it can be to comprehend.

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