On Writing

Perhaps you already know, perhaps you've read my earlier blog, or perhaps you've read what's remaining of my previous blog.  Perhaps you've just figured it out, figured out that you are reading the words of a writer who isn't always a writer, a writer who is also an architect.  A writer who hasn't always written.  A writer with a history of stopping.  Stopping writing.  And starting again.

Perhaps you know, because you read an earlier post under a different name, a post that isn't posted any longer, that I have a history of not only stopping writing, but of destroying my writing.  As a child, burning it in a barrel.  As an adult, throwing it all out with the trash.  Secretly.  As if any of the writing held secrets that no one should know, or would be shocked by.  Or damaged by.  When, in fact, none of that was the case, and yet there it is, that I destroyed it.

And still, here I am, at it again.  Writing, this time without cover of pseudonym, and not without some trepidation.  A writer who stops writing, repeatedly, a writer who destroys his own writing, repeatedly, well, who can trust such a fellow not to do it again.  Not to stop halfway and disappear on you.

But there must be something in this act of writing, this act of writing with the expectation of someone reading, there must be something in it that keeps bringing me back.  And perhaps it really does have something to do with secrets and that even if there are no shocking events being revealed, nevertheless, if the writing is worth much at all, if it's worth anything, something is in fact revealed.

So you are reading a writer who posts things and sometimes takes them down for a little while, gets brave again and posts them another time.  A writer who is enjoying the freedom of writing anything that comes his way, openly, without hindrance of hiding, but who is not quite used to this freedom.  And this sort of revelation.  Not a writer a reader can fully trust, or depend upon.  But a writer who loves to write and wants to be read.  Without further destruction.